On Self-Care

Self-care means being gentle with ourselves, rather than having an attitude of violence, disdain, or dismissiveness toward our feelings and needs. The more we cultivate non-judgmental self-care in this way — that is, the more that we bring a gentle presence to ourselves — the more we can bring a sense of presence to our important relationships.

A foundation for experiencing a secure attachment with our loved ones is to be more connected to ourselves. The more we cultivate emotional self-care, the more available we become for emotional connection, and the more capable we become of self-revealing communication that allows for the growth of intimacy.

Self-Care as a Foundation for Love

I’ve almost exclusively thought of self-care in terms of giving myself a break but have hardly considered it as learning to be more connected to myself or more tuned into my own feelings.

On Anxiety

Much of what ruins the present is sheer anxiety. The present always contains an enormous number of possibilities, some hugely gruesome, which we are constantly aware of in the background. Anything could theoretically happen, an earthquake, an aneurysm, a rejection – which gives rise to the non-specific anxiety that trails most of us around all the time; the simple dread at the unknownness of what is to come.

The Difficulty of Being in the Present

Anxiety has a way of paralyzing you, invading every aspect of your life. I started going to therapy this year. I’m learning to work through the anxiety and all of the trauma and pain of the past and the present and the uncertainty of the future.

On Burnout

Millennials are a nice punching bag for the Boomers, and even Gen Xers, blaming us for low home ownership rates, blaming us for ruining X industry because we don’t own can openers, telling us how to spend our money by buying less avocado toast. But we’re living in a world that Boomers created, one that sets us up for failure right out of the gate. We’re told to work hard, and to work often, because that will get you ahead. Never mind that Millennials earn less than the Boomers and Gen Xers did, that we have crippling student debt, that everything is just…more expensive.

Today is my birthday. All I want to do today is nothing. Absolutely nothing. No work. No decisions. I just want to do nothing. I’m burned out. I’m burned out from working, I’m burned out from not working. I’m just burned out. “How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation” speaks to me because it is my life. I’m burned the fuck out.

But the more I tried to figure out my errand paralysis, the more the actual parameters of burnout began to reveal themselves. Burnout and the behaviors and weight that accompany it aren’t, in fact, something we can cure by going on vacation. It’s not limited to workers in acutely high-stress environments. And it’s not a temporary affliction: It’s the millennial condition. It’s our base temperature. It’s our background music. It’s the way things are. It’s our lives.
That realization recast my recent struggles: Why can’t I get this mundane stuff done? Because I’m burned out. Why am I burned out? Because I’ve internalized the idea that I should be working all the time. Why have I internalized that idea? Because everything and everyone in my life has reinforced it — explicitly and implicitly — since I was young. Life has always been hard, but many millennials are unequipped to deal with the particular ways in which it’s become hard for us.

How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation

August 2018 Media Diet

Star Trek: Enterprise – 3/5 so far. Still watching this. Still skipping the intro.

Nailed It! – 4/5. This was hilarious. We binged the entire series while my sister and her family were visiting.

National Treasure – 5/5. Of course we had to re-watch this after showing my sister and her family around town (we live in DC).

Disenchantment – 3.5/5. I mean, it’s witty and somewhat funny.

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before – 4/5. I loved this one.

Life of the Party – 3/5. Some of it was funny. It was not McCarthy’s best movie but it was still entertaining.

Breaking In – 4/5. Gabrielle Union basically kicks butt.

Deadpool 2 – 4/5. There was room for improvement but I laughed throughout the movie.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers – 4/5. This is the first in a series of books that take place aboard a space ship in deep space. This was a great introduction and I’m looking forward to reading the remaining books in the series.

The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie – 4/5. I am a huge fan of the Poirot tv series so I decided to read the entire series that its based on.

When Katie Met Cassidy by Camille Perri – 4/5. This was an interesting read and I devoured it quickly.

Meg by Steve Alten – 3/5. I wanted to read the book that the movie is based on. It was entertaining.

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters – 4/5. This was full of twists and turns. It kept me entertained.

The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon by David Grann – 5/5. I had hoped to read this one a lot sooner but never got around to it. I ended up reading Killers of the Flower Moon by Grann before this one and loved it so much that I made reading this one a priority. I was not disappointed. I really love how Grann weaves the story together.